Firstly, I want to thank readers for their patience. It’s been a while since I blogged. (8 months, perhaps 9.) I’ve been in and out of hospital for much of 2023 having a couple of operations (one of which happened over New Year in 2023 – fun times) and a another procedure under general anaesthesia, along with a nasty surprise test where I had to be awake – the hospital didn’t communicate with me properly, such is the state of the NHS. I had complications after both surgeries, the second one bad enough to warrant me staying in hospital for 9 days when it should have been 2.
On top of that, tests revealed I most likely have IC (interstitial cystitis) along with the usual EDS and fibromyalgia I deal with on the daily. There’s no cure for this particular condition either. (More letters to add after my name, I guess.) The only drug proven to help rebuild the bladder lining — which is currently inflamed and trying to destroy itself — is Elmiron, and that drug would possibly make me go blind.
My mental health has taken a hit, after all of that crap. A handy feature of my EDS is it causes me to be “immune” to any painkiller, even opioids, so I spent all nine days in hospital screaming at the ceiling whenever anybody had to move me or touch me to change dressings (even after six doses of fentanyl and three oramorph). It got to the stage where whenever someone moved the curtains around my bed, I felt like I was going to be attacked. I was talking to a psychologist throughout most of last year to process all of the shit. He wasn’t able to help but has referred me for trauma-based counselling.
Needless to say I haven’t managed to really write, and whenever I do squeeze out a paragraph, it’s like extracting teeth. I am never happy with the results either.
This is because valuable brain space is being used to block bad memories so I can “concentrate” (ho ho) on the story or whatever I am trying to produce. But right now, real life is too real. I do need to write, but perhaps I should be writing down everything that’s bothering me first, taking my own advice from this article I penned months ago.
Here’s hoping for an easier 2024. Normal service will be resumed shortly.
Nightwalks 